Hi Dreamer,

It’s been a long minute since I’ve written to you or anyone else. Frankly, it’s been almost the same time since I've written to or for myself. October triggered a return to deep survival mode for me, and I’ve been oscillating in different levels till now. 

It also has felt very loud both in my physical space and the online spaces I exist in. From sirens of two types and semi-constant airplanes and helicopters, most of the time I am sensorily overwhelmed as well. 

Online has been loud in the sense that everyone has been very vocal in sharing their perspective and understanding of what is going on and what side of the “right side” they stand on. It has made me want to be silent and disappear into myself, which is not how I usually process things. I know that the silence helped while being in the most intense levels of survival mode, while I traipsed across Europe during the first 6 weeks of the war. But now the words, thoughts, and feelings I have suppressed still need to be processed and they are coming to the forefront.

I thought I had gotten to this place where I was expanding and building new layers (email lists ;) and this fall and winter season has forced me to return to my foundation. It has forced me to use many coping mechanisms, it showed me that my lesser coping mechanisms are still better than my previous harmful ones. I have had to learn to listen to my body and mind and when I need to rest, to rest. Embrace the uncomfortably in the silence, to hibernate if you will. The silence has mostly existed in my creative space especially with still teaching through this hard time and starting up with university classes as well. The silence has been a double-edged sword and I am here writing to try and refit the space for me to show up. 

It's a good time to find my voice at least slightly as March is Cerebral Palsy awareness month and I would love to have conversations around my disability and inclusivity, please feel free to reply with any questions you have,

How have your fall and winter seasons gone? Let me know what has been going on what has been working for you and what hasn’t. What fresh ideas and actions you are bringing in with spring?

Till next time dreamer,

Jude Bronstein